Get all 8 Emma Amber releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of the academy is not a paradise (deluxe), demolicious, Phantom Limb, PROSTHETICS, AMPUTATE, WHEN MY MIND MOVES TOO FAST, just me and my guitar, and before the era.
1. |
exploratory surgery
04:30
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Now that I think about it
I'm not even sure what love is
What it could be
If it was healthy
If it was for me
What do you talk about
Saturday afternoons
When there's nothing to do
How do you sustain a smile with just the two of you
Try to find out what's wrong with me
With some exploratory surgery
Wash your hands, come take a look and see
Make sure you get the anesthetic ready
Some painkillers for me
exploratory surgery
Oh and how does he make you feel
How do you know it's real
If you don't leak tears
If you don't feel your heart in your ears
How do you create a routine, follow it for years
Maybe I'm just independent
Maybe I just don't get it
And so I try to pretend
But it's obviously fake
And so I can't get offended
When they walk away
Slice open my organs
With no clear direction
To give me a better future
Or at least practice some sutures
I've had butterflies for far too long
It's time to open up and let them be gone
But the only way to set them free
Is some exploratory surgery
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2. |
I'll Stay
04:56
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You said it's fine
You said it wasn't me
But once fear is in my mind
Getting out ain't easy
I thought about my hair
Thought about the way I talk
But is it really fair
That I'm too afraid to talk
I'll stay
Until the roof caves in
Until the walls give out
I'll stay
In this hurricane until I drown
I'll always be around
You say you love me
But do I believe it
Because it's so easy for things to just turn to shit
Right in front of my eyes
And even if I don't know what to say
I'll stay
Until the roof caves in
Until the walls give out
I'll stay
In this hurricane until I drown
I'll always be around
I hold my breath
I never rest
I'm scared to open my mouth
Scared of what's gonna come out
Because I don't know what's in store
Now that I won't let you step on me anymore
I'll stay
Until the roof caves in
Until the walls give out
I'll stay
In this hurricane until I drown
I'll always be around
I'll stay
Until the roof caves in
Until the walls give out
I'll stay
In this hurricane until I drown
I'll always be around
I'll stay
I'll stay for you
I'll always be around
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3. |
i still fucking love you
03:34
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everything that’s mine feels partially yours
nothing feels the same as before
cant think about the things i bought for us
because i still want you to be the one
i still fucking love you
i don’t know what to do
it feels like a nightmare i can’t wake up from
what do you do when you hurt the one you love
if i had to be any colour, guess i could be blue
but i could never love another
because i still fucking love you
you hurt me and i hurt you too
guess neither of us knew what we would lose
guns blazing, i’m going crazy
i don’t want to lose you baby
i still fucking love you
i don’t know what to do
it feels like a nightmares i can’t wake up from
what do you do when you hurt the one you love
if i had to be any colour, guess i could be blue
but i could never love another
because i still fucking love you
i can’t talk, i can’t eat, i can’t sing
oh my god it’s so devastating
i let you into every part of my life
i gave you all of my spare time
people ask me how it’s going
and i have no clue
because all i know is
i still fucking love you
i still fucking love you
i don’t know what to do
guess it’s nightmares from now on
what else is there when you’re gone
if i had to be any colour, guess i could be blue
but i could never love another
because i still fucking love you
guess i never learned how to be angry
never learned how to give you space
so now i watch the tears roll down your face
and i try to retrace my steps but i feel kind of lost
i got to have the final word but at what cost
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4. |
i don't need you
03:52
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You act like you don't care
And maybe you don't
But I was there
When we made an apartment a home
You never call me
When you're drunk and alone
I wonder, is it easy
Or do you have to hide your phone
Do you miss me
I don't need you to
I'm being strong
I'm moving on
You don't need me
And I don't need you
It's radio silence now
Tried to learn the language of loving you
Now I'm proficient in trying to forget you
Does that bruise your ego too
I don't talk to you anymore
Because you don't wanna know
That sometimes I feel guilty
For being happier on my own
Do you miss me
I don't need you to
I'm being strong
I'm moving on
You don't need me
And I don't need you
I don't need you
But I miss my best friend
I was trying so hard to fix this shit
I forgot to prepare for the end
If you truly knew me
You'd know this isn't easy
But now you feel like someone I don't know
And I don't need you but I need to know
Do you miss me
I don't need you to
I'm being strong
I'm moving on
You don't need me
And I don't need you
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5. |
i need you
04:12
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I need you
You're the only one I can run to
Please don't leave
Come here and save me
You like me better when I need you
When I'm texting saying that I miss you
You aren't content with being a memory
So you sneak into my reality
But I don't think I need you
I'm doing fine on my own
Look at all these things I can do
A job, my music, a home
And it was something that I went through
But now I have to continue
So you won't hear me say
I need you
You like me better when I'm not even me
When I'm a shell of who I used to be
But now I'm feeling kind of angry
If you loved me so much why did you leave
But I don't think I need you
I'm doing fine on my own
Look at all these things I can do
A job, my music, a home
And it was something that I went through
But now I have to continue
So you won't hear me say
I need you
You want to be my saviour prince barging in
But take one look in the mirror, you're the dragon
You want to believe
That you're something that I need
You like me best on my knees
But I won't beg for you again
I don't need you to mess with my head
But I don't think I need you
I'm doing fine on my own
Look at all these things I can do
A job, my music, a home
And it was something that I went through
But now I have to continue
So you won't hear me say
I need you
I need you
You're the only one I can run to
Please don't leave
Come back
Save me
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6. |
BREAKUPS ARE EVIL
03:55
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You're not the bad guy
I know you're not a villain
And I'm doing alright
I know I'm not a victim
But I'm still in pain
And when I don't know what to say
I say what I feel
And I feel like oh, breakups are evil
The pain, the pain, the pain, the pain
When everything's different but somehow the same too
I'm going insane, insane, insane, insane
Thinking about all I gave to you
And I don't regret it
But I wish I could forget
And oh
Breakups are evil
You took me out of the dark
Showed me how to love again
Then you broke my heart
Took me back to the start
Now what you broke I get to mend
Let's not pretend that it was just you
I know that I did some wreckage too
So I don't know how to feel
But oh breakups are evil
The pain, the pain, the pain, the pain
When everything's different but somehow the same too
I'm going insane, insane, insane, insane
Thinking about all I gave to you
And I don't regret it
But I wish I could forget
And oh
Breakups are evil
One little phrase
Is all it takes to explain
And it's so simple
Breakups are evil
Say it over and over
To try to find some closure
And navigate what I feel
Breakups are evil
And I don't hate you
But I don't wanna date you
But I know what we had was real
Breakups are evil
Oh the pain (the pain, the pain)
When you go through something you can't explain (can't explain, can't explain)
When I think of what we had
Oh my god, I miss that
So what's to blame
For making my heart sink when I hear your name
Oh I don't know how to feel
But breakups are evil
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7. |
Convert To Lesbianism
03:29
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Now if we're talking about breakups
I should probably be honest
I think that I know
What eventually would've caused it
There was a girl who worked in an ice cream shop
When I saw her I felt my heart stop
Nothing ever happened, never saw her again
But three years later she still lives rent free in my head
There was a woman in a bar who bought me a drink
She was a little bit older
In town for some football thing
Five minutes later, we parted ways
I didn't bother even learning her name
But I still think about her anyway
I pushed it down for as long as I could
So that I could feel the way that I should
Ask me to do anything you know that I would
And for awhile, it was good
Well it was fine, something was off all the time
Serendipity led me to find my destiny
And my destiny is a tall pretty girl with cascading brunette hair
And when we're together no matter where we are it's like we're the only ones there
And it might be scandalous but I don't care
I pushed it down because I was ashamed
I felt my heart was a beast that needed to be tamed
I tried to hide, convinced myself my heart was telling me lies
Now it's time for some honesty
There's nothing wrong with me
A word of advice to those who are dating a guy
But you feel like you're living a lie
if you feel different from your family and your friends
If you don't really wanna date men
Simply convert to being a lesbian
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8. |
walk away
03:43
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I cut my hair short the other day
I got a new confidence lately
But I think you still have the power to break me
So I stay away
Because if I see your face
My head starts to pound
My heart drops down
My hands start to shake
As my legs start to quake
My lips don't know what to say
So my feet just walk away
I look my best for myself
If I see myself as the face of beauty
Then it doesn't matter if you hate me
It's so complicated
When I think about it
My head starts to pound
My heart drops down
My hands start to shake
As my legs start to quake
My lips don't know what to say
So my feet just walk away
Where do we go from here
Are we strangers now
Is there anything
That we can talk about
Do you like Solar Power
My dog's got blue hair now
Is there something we can joke about
What have you seen on TV
Do you even wanna talk to me
Could I let you walk to me
My head starts to pound
My heart drops down
My hands start to shake
As my legs start to quake
My lips don't know what to say
So my feet just walk away
My lips don't know what to say
So my feet just walk away
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9. |
Get to Know Me
03:50
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Meeting new people
Learning new things
Try to seem cool
I tell them I like to sing
Ask a question
Get to know them
Play the game, follow the rules
Try to seem cool
Don't worry darling
It's not fate
It's nothing scary
it's just a date
Do you like me
Do you want me
Do you like my hair
Do I even care
I doubt you're the one
But let's have some fun
Let's give it a try and see
What it's like to get to know me
Will I see you more than once?
Will I remember your birthday
Your phone number, your name
Or will it just fade away
A million stories all told before
But I never know what's in store
Do you like me
Do you want me
Do you like my hair
Do I even care
I doubt you're the one
But let's have some fun
Let's give it a try and see
What it's like to get to know me
Do I still believe in love
Do I still think it's enough
When you give all the love in your heart
It's too easy to fall apart
But it's not love
it's not forever
It's just one outing together
This is all I am that you can't see
This is what it's like to get to know me
Do you like me
Do you want me
Do you like my hair
Do I even care
I doubt you're the one
But let's have some fun
Let's give it a try and see
What it's like to get to know me
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10. |
The Only One
03:16
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fall in love with yourself first
that’s the only love that’ll never hurt
the only person who will never leave
is the confident person that you’ll be
the only one who truly knows
the one who goes wherever you go
the one who knows what you like and likes it too
the only one is you
feel the weight lift off your shoulders
feel yourself push every boulder
feel yourself become ten times bolder
you don’t have to fear getting older
the only one who truly knows
the one who goes wherever you go
the one who knows what you like and likes it too
the one who will always remain true
the one who is always happy to hear what you have to say
the one who you know will always stay
the only one who knows just what to do
the only one is you
pick your feet up off the ground
blink your eyes and look around
do you know where you are?
do you know where you went?
everywhere you go is everywhere you’ve been
people never know just what you’ve seen
take yourself out and get to know her better
she’s the only one you’ll have forever
the only one who truly knows
the one who goes wherever you go
the one who knows what you like and likes it too
the one who will always remain true
the one who is always happy to hear what you have to say
the one who you know will always stay
the only one who knows what to do
the only one whose puzzle pieces fit perfectly
the only one who never becomes rusty
the only one who remains ever new
the only one is you
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11. |
words without action
03:38
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Words without action
You said I love you every day
And I tried to believe it
You knew exactly what to say
To make me believe it
But you yell in my face
So I don’t believe it
But you hate me for simple mistake
So I don’t believe it
But you make me feel ashamed
So I don’t believe it
Words can cause wounds
And words can heal them
In a pinch some words can even conceal them
But words without action is just manipulation
Why do you build me up so you can break me down
What do you say when I’m not around
Words without action got me so confused
I don’t know how to act around you
Say it with some tears so that I might believe them
It’s clear you don’t want me here
I guess I should be leaving
Words can cause wounds
And words can heal them
In a pinch some words can even conceal them
But words without action is just manipulation
I felt guilty for showing emotions
For not reciprocating your feigned devotion
But words without action isn’t love
No words without action isn’t enough
Words without action
Took them like a pill every day
But I guess maybe they were a placebo
Because what good did they do anyway
Words can cause wounds
And words can heal them
In a pinch some words can even conceal them
But words without action is just manipulation
Maybe your words had meaning
Maybe you’d just say them
Either way
I still had faith in them
I watched your words change from
Did you know
To why didn’t you know
Why did you only kiss me before you’d leave
it was you who should’ve known
Words without action can’t pacify me
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12. |
tolerate it
03:44
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I gave everything I had
I did all I could do
But did I wanna do that
Or did I feel like I had to
Do you ever feel happy
Does a smile light up your face
Do you ever feel angry
Do you ever feel rage
I don't love it
I don't need it
I don't breathe it
When I touch it
I don't touch it
I don't feel it
When I hate it
I don't hate it
I just tolerate it
Why do I tolerate it
Why do I
You're angry and you're hurt
Because nobody sees how much you're worth
You're sad and you're confused
Am I a person or just a thing to be used
You're tired and you feel like shit
Because all you do is tolerate it
tolerate it
I gave everything I had
I did all I could do
But did I wanna do that
Or did I feel like I had to
I don't love it
I don't need it
I don't breathe it
When I touch it
I don't touch it
I don't feel it
When I hate it
I don't hate it
I just tolerate it
Why do I tolerate it
Why do I tolerate it
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13. |
I'll Stay (Reprise)
03:28
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you’re the spark of the match
turning a stick into a flame
you’re the circular motion of the water
that sends me spiralling down the drain
you’re the force of weather
that turns a sunny day into rain
you’re the only who one brings me so pleasure
the only one who makes me tolerate pain
I’ll stay forever
I’ll go down with the ship
Because I’ve never known
Anything better than this
I’ll try to fix it
Try to make it better
But I should’ve known humans
Can’t change the weather
I’ll stay
I’ll stay
I’ll stay
I’ll always be around
You told me I was not confined
Trust me, I knew
I just had it stuck in my mind
That there was still hope for me and you
I made it a meditation
Said it like prayer
I’ll stay, I’ll stay, I’ll stay
I’ll stay as long as you’re there
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14. |
Phantom Limb
04:40
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You became a natural part of my life
Your name an extension of mine
Wherever I was, you were there too
Until we spent all our time fighting in the living room
I felt the loss like an infection
I felt the creeping feeling on my skin
I felt it spread through my veins and into my heart
And I felt it tear us apart
Now I feel the ghost of your fingertips in my hand
Now I feel like nothing ever goes as I plan
Now I feel an ending every time I begin
Now I feel your absence like a phantom limb
they took the bone saw and went right through
And that was the last I ever saw of you
I looked down at where you were
And that was the epitome of my hurt
I tried to replace you in my life
Prosthesis could do the job just fine
But it didn’t feel right, no it wasn’t the same
It wasn’t enough to calm my brain
I felt the silence
Like a necrotizing fasciitis
I felt it eat through my skin and down to the bone
And then I never felt so alone
Now I feel the ghost of your fingertips in my hand
Now I feel like nothing ever goes as I plan
Now I feel an ending every time I begin
Now I feel your absence like a phantom limb
My brain thinks that you’re still here
But my heart knows that’s wrong
The pain is shooting, stabbing, burning, piercing
But the source of it is gone
Sometimes I’m convinced that it’s still as it was
Sometimes I’m convinced that we’re still us
Then I feel like I’m no longer capable of love
That part of me was infected, severed, cut off
I feel every new beginning like a warning sign
Don’t do what you did last time
Flashbacks to when I last felt whole
And then flashbacks to the greatest insecurity I’ve ever known
Now I feel the most of your fingertips in my hand
Now I feel like nothing ever goes as I plan
Now I feel an ending every time I begin
Now I feel my existence like a phantom limb
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15. |
this is NOT a threat
03:57
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I apologize for hating you
Because I sort of did
But I think you knew
Because I sat and cried and made you witness it
The shit I talk about you
To all my friends
They all know the damn truth
That I don't hate you but I sure do pretend
Lock my heart in a box
So I'm not hurt by what I've lost
I don't wanna get back together
But you were there for me whenever
When I was angry, when I was hurt
You flew across the whole world
I'll never forget what you did for me
(I'll never forget what you did to me)
I'm only sort of sorry
But I think you knew
Because you were always so self aware
About all that dumb shit you'd do
So thank you for pineapple on pizza
Thank you for seeing the best in us
Thank you for all you did
(But fuck you too)
I keep the memories with me in a book beside my bed
(The bad ones too)
Don't take this as a threat
I still have no regrets
I hope to see you again sometime in life
I love you, goodbye
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Emma Amber regina, Saskatchewan
love making music, love listening to music. always learning, always creating.
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